I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
