If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
