you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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