I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
