Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
