whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
