i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
