Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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