i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
