We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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