How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
