i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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