I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
