Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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