the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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