It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
