Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
