Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
not ubering you a puppy
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
