Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i will never coherently bang her
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
