Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
