Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
