how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
