so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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