she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
