Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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