take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
