PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toyâ€
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