If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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