fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
