I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
