I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
