All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
