Don't make out with my wife yet
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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