hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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