In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
