i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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