Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
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