She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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