there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
