In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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