wrigley field is MILF paradise
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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