i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
