it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
