it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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