There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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