So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My bed smells like the plague
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
