I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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