My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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