I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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