Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
