I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
