I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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