I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
