Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
