i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
