My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
