I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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