Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
