Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
