I only kidnapped one of them. chill
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
