Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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