yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
