his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
