Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
