fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
