I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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