69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
