Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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