you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Pants are for mortals
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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