I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
