Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
