did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
