My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
