Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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