You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
