i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
so much tequila, so little girl.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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