toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
