my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
