Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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