Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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