i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
