i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
