i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
